I've been attending my late wife's church - in honor of her memory - and find it comforting in many ways.
There is, however, one prayer I think should be added to the Liturgy :
"Save us, oh Lord , from the clutches of the Clueless !"
The Clueless - like the demons of yore - are legion- and a sore affliction unto the spirit.
For Instance: Many years ago, I had a mail order musical accessories business, and, when inventory began to exceed demand, would sell off the surplus -mostly guitar strings-at a local flea market.
One day, a woman came to a sudden halt in front of my table, and pointed at the display of guitar strings. "What are those ?", she barked. She was in "late mid-life" - which seems to produce an unattractive mixture of ignorance and arrogance in some folks. " They are guitar strings", I answered politely.
" I knew that ", she snarled. " I CAN read ! "
"Well: What are they USED for ?"
Hoo boy ! I didn't want to get into Music Theory 101- with this lady , but I picked up an old guitar anyway, and showed her how the strings were fastened , and how they produced a sound when plucked.
The woman sniffed indignantly. " I never heard of such a thing !"
" Where did you think music came from ? ", I asked curiously.
" Everybody knows THAT ! ", she snapped, turning to leave. " You just turn the stereo on !"
Clueless people have a special affinity for motor vehicles of all sorts. Over the course of an average day, you are sure to meet at least a dozen.
For example, if one lane of a highway is marked with signs indicating the lane will end in 1000',large numbers of motorists will enter that lane : drawn by some force Science cannot fully explain. When the signs indicate the lane will end in 500', the number of drivers -and their speed-will increase dramatically. 200' from the actual merge point, these Clueless souls will begin trying to bulldoze their way back into traffic-so they can cut off those few who have the good sense to at least try merging at the merge point. (Much horn blowing, finger display,and dismay will ensue.)
In our state, special lanes have been set aside to speed the passage of commuter busses. Motorists who enter these lanes are pounced upon eagerly by waiting police cars,and even the most Clueless learn they are not welcome in a "Bus Only" lane.
What is one to make of Clueless bus drivers , who, having a clear, unobstructed lane open before them ,will nonetheless veer from that lane into a congested lane of traffic (One MUST yield to them !),travel along for a few hundred feet, and swing back into their own reserved lane ?
The Clueless migrate into bureacracies of all sorts.
Some have become a part of the "No Child Left Behind" program, which has - in one large school district- given birth to a program in which the mentally handicapped (We're talking youngsters whose mental abilities make them eminently employable in closely supervised sheltered workshops ) are "mainstreamed" by hiring "Mentors" , who attend classes with them, take notes and do the work for them, and prepare them for (I'm not kidding !) college - where, similarly mentored, they will earn degrees (probably qualifying them -in the fullness of time -to become No Child Left Behind Administrators .)
Speaking from personal experience, I could cite a nameless-but-clueless functionary in the IRS,who, after being duly and officially notified of my wife's death, caused a refund check to be issued to me and to "Ruth Deceased ". (Fortunately,the bank teller-who was NOT clueless-merely shrugged,said something about "Your tax dollars at work ",and accepted the check for deposit.)
Similarly, I wound up sending a check for 58 cents to a large department store, where my wife had a small charge account account. The store, as a "service" to its customers, offered "Purple Cow" life insurance policies (payable in the event the customer is gored to death by a purple cow;but otherwise a "cash cow" for the wholly-owned subsidiary).
When their bill came in, after my wife's passing, I declined to pay it: pointing out , that since she was deceased , there was no earthly reason to continue paying life insurance premiums.
This motivated one of the Clueless to open correspondence with me : addressed to ( I'm quoting exactly) " Dear Unknow". The correspondence urged me to send all sorts of documentation to the personal attention of the undersigned. (Naturally, the letter was unsigned...)
About two weeks later, I received a demand for payment of 58 cents. Presumably the policy had been in full force and effect for some microscopic-but-measurable time period during the final day of her life.
I thought about this for a moment . It was clear to me my Clueless Correspondent would be not only willing, but actually eager to spend any amount of Company money to recover that 58 cents. Given the cost of preparing, handling, and mailing to date, I figured CC had to have expended at least 10 dollars.
Close enough for government work ! I mailed the check for 58 cents : taking care to use one of their prepaid postage envelopes.
It seemed a suitably clueless thing to do.
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