Ms Rabbit Reviews the Air Guitar Championships
Ms Rabbit has those side-mounted eyes – unlike us predatory Humans who look straight ahead – and you'd think that would affect her reading skills ; but the only difference I've noticed is that she catches all those little “side stories” most of us ignore. Today, she was all hepped up about somebody winning the Air Guitar World Championship.
“You're putting me on !” , I protested . (Rabbits are notorious for fooling Humans. They'll tell you almost anything to avoid becoming a dinner entree !)
“ I saw it right on Yahoo News”, she responded . “ You can check it out for yourself.”
I rolled my eyes, but she went ahead with her yarn.
“It was in Oulu,Finland-right up by the Arctic Circle. And the contest was sponsored by the Teatria Rock Club-though I should think – that far north, they'd have a snowball club.”
I rolled my eyes again. Ms Rabbit likes her little jokes : the stupider the better.
“ A Japanese man named Ochi Yosuke won the contest, beating out Oulu native Hikka ( Gore Kitty) Suvanto, a Frenchman named Guillaume (Moche Pitt) de Tonquedec, an Austrian named Max (Herr Jaquelin) Heller, and an American named Andrew Litz (who calls himself “ William Ocean”, and whose act always ends with a “spectacular back flip onto an empty beer can” , according to the reporter. “
This seemed like quite a bit of detail for a rabbit fabulation - ( I call them “Rabbit Tales” ) - so I asked a question. “ What was the prize ?”
“ It was a good one : a custom made Flying Finn electric guitar- valued at $ 3400. “
“ Huh !”, I exclaimed. “ I wonder what ...what's his name ?”
“ Ochi Yosuke.”
“I wonder what Ochi Yosuke is going to do with an actual guitar ? I wonder if he would even know how to tune it – much less play it.”
Ms Rabbit looked shocked. “ He's a World Champion !”, she exclaimed.
“ I don't know how to break this to you, but Air Guitar players only make believe they are holding a real guitar. They pretend to play a tune that somebody else recorded .
It's sort of like those “boy bands” where they all dance around and lip-synch. Know what I mean ? “
“Gotcha !”, cried Ms Rabbit. “ Woodchuck likes to lip synch “David Seville and the Chipmunks “ stuff. Boy, does he look stupid ,pretending to be Alvin !”
“ And you “, she added, edging closer to the rose bush. “ I've heard you play mandolin – if that's what you want to call it. “
As my jaw dropped, she edged all the way under bush, but I could hear her quite well, thank you !
“When you play “Four Green Fields”, she snickered. “How come it sounds like “Three Blind Mice” ? “
Folks sometimes ask me how I know Ms Rabbit is a “she”. That's easy : She generally gets in the last word, and, when she does, it's a zinger !